Greg Behrendt, the co-author of "He’s Just Not That Into You," was on an Oprah show repeat yesterday. I didn’t take notes the first time, but I did this time. See if you’re in any of these stories…
Amy: Her boyfriend would break-up with her and then come back. This went on and on for three years. Amy shared how she felt stupid to be doing this but then found out that this was happening to other women as well.
The answer: ‘He’s just not that into you.’
Angela & Chris: They’ve been together for 6 years. She wants to get married but he doesn’t. He even bought her an engagement ring but since he wouldn’t set a date, she wouldn’t wear it. It was a blunt but somewhat funny when Angela shared: ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" (A friend had said something similar 10 years ago when her live-in boyfriend wouldn’t propose…)
The answer: It’s fine to be in the middle of the road when it comes to marriage if you’re with someone who’s in the middle of the road or just doesn’t care. If you want to get married then you need to be with someone who wants to get married.
Katrina: Her boyfriend has a list of things she needs to do to make changes in her life before they can get married. He suggested she change her career so she could contribute more financially, and she did. Her question: "After 5 years do I really need to change?"
The answer: When someone demands changes it’s an excuse. What if you just said this isn’t working and left? She said she did that. Greg asked if the relationship was getting better. Katrina couldn’t say it was.
Oprah shared an interesting point. She was sharing how we live in empowered times yet women are still not empowered in the area of relationships.
Greg really was a sincere and funny guy. He shared how he had been there too. He got cheated on by a girlfriend. She then moved to another city and was with a new boyfriend, yet Greg still had hope that it would work out with him and his ex. Then he realized – she just wasn’t that into me.
When you hear each person tell their story it seems so obvious that the other person just isn’t into them. It doesn’t make it good, bad, right, or wrong – it doesn’t make you dumb or stupid – it’s just reality. Yet when we’re ‘in it’ and so close to the problem or challenge, sometimes we just can’t see clearly. We each deserve to be in and create the relationship we desire.
For more stories and what Greg’s responses were, visit Oprah’s Website. (This link will take you to the exact page with the stories.)
You can purchase your own copy of Greg’s book below:
He’s Just Not That Into You
The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
by Greg Behrendt, et al