Start a Love Revolution

Posted on September 1, 2005 by Dating Team

"Let us always greet each other with a smile for the smile is the beginning of love."

– Mother Teresa

How easy is that?!   Just smile.  It doesn’t matter if you know the person or not.  Who knows, you just might make their day, or vice versa.

Heck – smile at a dog or cat if you’re really shy and there’s not a human within 10 miles of you. Even plants grow better if they’re in a loving environment, at least that’s what I remember from the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know?!"

I know it feels good when someone smiles at me.  I even catch myself smiling.  It’s infectious. 

Start a love revolution – smile at someone today!

What the Bleep Do We Know?!

A movie that will expand your mind.
Did you know that water can react to love?!

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Gay and Lesbian Dating

Posted on August 31, 2005 by Dating Team

If you’re looking for a same-sex encounter or relationship, there are definitely a variety of options online.  Over 160,000 searches were made for ‘gay dating’ and over 50,000 searches were made for ‘lesbian dating’ in July 2005*.

Whether you’re exploring your sexuality or just looking to play, chances are you’ll find what you’re looking for at one of the specialized gay and lesbian sites we’ve reviewed:

Gay Dating Sites

Lesbian Dating Sites

If you can’t find what you’re looking for at the gay or lesbian dating sites, check out the alternative dating sites.  If you’re looking for couples or groups, alternative is a great place to look.

Alternative Dating Sites

* According to Yahoo! Search Marketing 

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Do Girls Lie?

Posted on August 30, 2005 by Dating Team

This is a tongue-in-cheek follow-up to my post from yesterday on telling the truth online.  Last night I turned on CMT and Canadian country singer Terri Clark was being profiled.  For those of you who aren’t big country fans – I’m sure you guessed that CMT stands for Country Music Television.   

Terri was singing a number of her hits including Girls Lie Too*.   I’ve included a couple lines from the song below:

"Girls lie, too

We don’t care how much money you make

What you drive or what you weigh

Size don’t matter anyway"

* Written by Connie Harrington, Kelley Lovelace & Tim Nichols

If you want to listen to a sampler of the tune or check out the album visit:

While you’re at it, visit Terri’s site (www.terriclark.com) – maybe she’ll be in a town near you too!

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Rate That Dater

Posted on August 29, 2005 by Dating Team

You’ve met a great guy or gal online.  You’re about to meet in person.  How do you know if they’re who they say they are? 

If you’ve been dating online for more than 3 months it’s likely that you’ve met someone in person who didn’t match their profile in some way.  Maybe they’re shorter than they said.  Or older.  Maybe they used a picture from 15 years ago… before they put on 40 pounds etc etc.   Men and women are both guilty.

In the world of the internet – where there’s a problem, there’s usually a solution not far behind.  Two websites have been created to help the honest people fight back.

On True Dater you can submit comments about people you have met on 5 specified dating sites.   You can also do a search of a user name to see if anyone else has written a review.  You do have to be a free member to use this function.

Opinity is an ‘online reputation service’ where you can review online daters and/or people you bought products from via online auctions.  You can also see what’s been written about you!  You need to register as a free member to access the full report on any search.

Both sites are fairly new so I don’t know how many daters have been rated.

I’ve even heard of people using online background search services before travelling a long distance to meet a potential love they’ve met online.  If you’ve got a nagging doubt, it never hurts to check it out. 

In my experience, most people are honest.  I’ve only met one… well two (and that’s a whole other story) who didn’t tell the truth about little things.   It sure would be easier if people just told the truth…

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“He’s Just Not That Into You” (Book)

Posted on August 26, 2005 by Dating Team

Greg Behrendt, the co-author of "He’s Just Not That Into You," was on an Oprah show repeat yesterday.  I didn’t take notes the first time, but I did this time.  See if you’re in any of these stories…

Amy:   Her boyfriend would break-up with her and then come back.  This went on and on for three years.   Amy shared how she felt stupid to be doing this but then found out that this was happening to other women as well. 

The answer:  ‘He’s just not that into you.’

Angela & Chris:  They’ve been together for 6 years.  She wants to get married but he doesn’t.  He even bought her an engagement ring but since he wouldn’t set a date, she wouldn’t wear it.  It was a blunt but somewhat funny when Angela shared: ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"  (A friend had said something similar 10 years ago when her live-in boyfriend wouldn’t propose…)   

The answer:  It’s fine to be in the middle of the road when it comes to marriage if you’re with someone who’s in the middle of the road or just doesn’t care.  If you want to get married then you need to be with someone who wants to get married.

Katrina:  Her boyfriend has a list of things she needs to do to make changes in her life before they can get married.  He suggested she change her career so she could contribute more financially, and she did.  Her question:  "After 5 years do I really need to change?"

The answer:  When someone demands changes it’s an excuse.  What if you just said this isn’t working and left?  She said she did that.  Greg asked if the relationship was getting better.  Katrina couldn’t say it was.

Oprah shared an interesting point.  She was sharing how we live in empowered times yet women are still not empowered in the area of relationships. 

Greg really was a sincere and funny guy.  He shared how he had been there too.  He got cheated on by a girlfriend.  She then moved to another city and was with a new boyfriend, yet Greg still had hope that it would work out with him and his ex.  Then he realized – she just wasn’t that into me.

When you hear each person tell their story it seems so obvious that the other person just isn’t into them.  It doesn’t make it good, bad, right, or wrong – it doesn’t make you dumb or stupid – it’s just reality.  Yet when we’re ‘in it’ and so close to the problem or challenge, sometimes we just can’t see clearly.  We each deserve to be in and create the relationship we desire.

For more stories and what Greg’s responses were, visit Oprah’s Website.  (This link will take you to the exact page with the stories.)

You can purchase your own copy of Greg’s book below:

He's Just Not That Into You He’s Just Not That Into You
The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
by Greg Behrendt, et al

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Rejection Hotline

Posted on August 25, 2005 by Dating Team

I read about this website offering a service called the Rejection Hotline.  You can give someone a phone number from the site and choose the rejection line you want the person to hear when they call. 

So if someone asks for your phone number, instead of telling someone you’re not interested and don’t want to give them your number, you can use this service. 

It seems like the easy way out to me.  Why not just say no.  I guess it comes back to ‘treat others how you want to be treated.’  It’s all karma in the end and what goes around does tend to come back around…  If you can’t tell someone ‘No, I’m not interested’ then how will you ever deal with the big stuff when it comes around?!

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What is Love?

Posted on August 24, 2005 by Dating Team

What is love?  Many people have attempted to define it over the years in quotes such as the one below:

Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you. 

– Wayne Dyer

Yesterday I watched Oprah interview Priscilla and Lisa-Marie Presley on her show.  Priscilla shared how she really didn’t want her daughter, Lisa Marie, to be a singer yet she knew she had to just let go of her picture.  She had to let Lisa Marie do what made her happy.  Priscilla joked that she only learned this lesson a couple years ago…

The ironic thing is Lisa Marie started writing poetry and songs when she was 5 years old.  It was like she was destined to be a rock-n-roll singer from the start.

A parent may want their child to be a doctor but the child’s natural gift and passion may be for music or art or mathematics.  Parents naturally want their children to be successful just as spouses want their husband or wife to be successful, or siblings want their brothers or sisters to be successful.

Each of us has a unique talent that is our gift to the world.  Love is letting the caterpillar transform into the butterfly it’s meant to be – not the one we want it to be.

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Men are Great! Do you have a story to share?

Posted on August 23, 2005 by Dating Team

Karen Jones, a friend and colleague, is writing a book about men.  She would appreciate your help!  Deadline for stories is August 31st.

Karen is the dating and relationship coach I interviewed for the article "Love Eluding You?  Let Go and It Will Find You" which was posted yesterday under the ‘Dating Tips’ category.

The information below is an excerpt from her website.  For more information visit:  https://www.heartmatter.net

The working title right now is “Men are Great”, and the book will be a combination of stories about a man being great (the definition of “great” can be found on her websight), insight into men’s thinkings/feelings about the way they’re portrayed in the media, and some coaching tips for women on how to relate to/help a man see his greatness.

Expected publishing date is end of November, and the deadline for stories is August 31st.

Here’s how you can help:

  1. If you have something to share about a man in your life (father, son brother, husband, co-worker, friend, relative, or any other man you know) and feel it fits your ‘great man’ definition, Karen would love to know.  These stories don’t need to be about legendary/heroic deeds. They could just be about a simple act of kindness or compassion, remembering something important, standing up for a belief, planning a great surprise, reacting calmly to a problem, etc.

  2. If you are part of any group, you could forward this request to the list, which would be extremely helpful in reaching out beyond her particular world. (The complete list is on Karen’s website.)

  3. Karen is also inviting people to design the logo of “Men are Great”.  Anyone that submits a design will get a f*r*ee copy of the book, and the person that submits the design that gets used will get credit in the book, naturally, as well as f*r*ee relationship coaching for one month (3 sessions).

  4. Karen would really love to get men’s reactions and feelings to all the anti-men ads and TV shows out there, so write to her about them.  If you’d rather talk on the phone, she can take notes, too.

Definately check out Karen’s site if you think you might be interested in her "Men are Great" book project. If you have an inkling, trust it…

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Love Eluding You? Let Go and It May Find You

Posted on August 22, 2005 by Dating Team

How many times have you heard someone say it was when they weren’t looking for love that they found it?  Often they’ll say, “I had just accepted the possibility that I may not find someone and realized that I’d be ok.”  Or, “It’s ok if I’m single for the rest of my life.”

It’s a paradox.  We’re taught to focus on what we want and to take action until we reach our target.  Yet if we focus or hold on too tight to the target, it eludes our grasp and gets further and further away.

What’s a single gal or guy to do?

I needed an answer so I called relationship coach Karen Jones.  I figured if anyone knew the answer she would.

Karen has been working with and listening to hundreds of single and married women for eight years through her ‘Heart Matters’ (https://www.heartmatter.net) coaching company.  When I asked her for an explanation of this paradox she explained it like this:

“Think of it in terms of energy.  There is a flow to it; the more attached you are to an outcome, the more you squeeze the flow, and you either slow it down, divert it, or simply shut if off.  I like to use the imagery of being in the shower, and grabbing a bar of soap.  If you squeeze too hard the soap jumps out of your hand.  It’s like that with relationships.  If you squeeze too hard around relationship energy it becomes too hard to hold.  Loosen your grip, and the soap (relationship) is there.”

She then went on to explain the solution.

“You have to decide you’re just going to be happy in life, no matter what.  Make your life work now.  Do what you love to do, and spend time in ways that fulfill you.  One indirect benefit of that decision (and way of being), is this: that energy is very attractive.  You’re doing things that interest you, which will create opportunities for you to meet people that you enjoy; men as well as women who’d be good to spend time with.

Just to clarify.  This doesn’t mean you give up on your vision of having a happy, successful marriage.  You need to keep that dream alive in your heart.  It does mean you let go of the specific details you have pictured in your mind about your dream.  For example: your husband will be 6’2” tall and have blue eyes and blond hair, you’ll have 2 kids – a twin boy and girl, and your house will be in this city on this street etc.  Trust that your vision will unfold and that it may look very different from your picture.  In fact, it’s often better than what you could have possibly imagined.”

It’s like this invisible fine-line exists.  While you need to clearly see and know what you want and take action to make your intention a reality, at the same time you have to be ok if you don’t get it.  Expect to get it yet don’t be attached to getting the outcome.  If you find yourself holding on too tight, just let go and enjoy life.  Love may find you.

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Hooking Up – The Final Episode

Posted on August 19, 2005 by Dating Team

The final episode of ABC’s ‘Hooking Up’ TV show aired on Thur. August 11th.  Which of the 11 women daters hooked up was finally revealed.  But before that, let’s get to the episode…

  1. You gotta love Sonje’s attitude.

    Mitchell, the guy she’d been dating suddenly and unexpectedly broke up with her.  Although she was somewhat perplexed, she said, "I can’t make someone want me or love me."  She doesn’t seem to get uptight about things.  Sonje just lets things flow.  Mind you, the producers of the show only let us see what we see…  Later in the show, after seeing a psychic, she stated, "I’m not worried about being 38 and single.  I think I’ll find someone."

  2. The motto of this story – bring your car!

    Kristin, 31, the yoga instructor, was so happy to be going on her 1st second date.  She had gone on a number of first dates that just, as she said in a previous episode, were bad.  Somewhere between the second and third date something starting feeling off with Mike.  She felt he was moving way to quickly and was feeling smothered.  She called to break things off with him and during the call decided to go on a third date just to make sure she wasn’t making too quick a decision.

    A lesson for all of us.  If you live 1.5 hours from your date, it’s probably a good idea to take your car if you have been experiencing doubt, as Kristin had after the second date.  Mike drove to her place to pick her up and take her back out to where he lives.  While Mike thinks the date has gone great, Kristin wants to go home.  Thank goodness Mike is a gentleman and drives her home.  She could have been stranded.

  3. The ‘pity pay’

    Christen, a 25 year old sales agent, turned to dating as she was new to New York and wanted to meet people.  She has a 20-minute date rule.  She meets a guy for a drink for 20 minutes so they can see if they like each other.  If they do, then they can go on a second date.  The upside to this rule is you don’t have to endure too much of a bad date or complete personality mismatch.  On the other hand, if you do really connect with the person do you really have to cut off the flow?

    The 20-minute mark was approaching during a date with Rob.  He asks, "Do you want to hang out again?"  Cristen totally hesitates.  It’s obvious by the look on her face that the answer is no.  She’s honest and says she doesn’t feel a vibe.  Then she tried to pay for her beer.  Rob called that ‘the pity pay.’  You can offer to pay for your beer, but if he wants to let him! 

  4. Who hooked up?

    One year after the dating experiment, three of the women were in relationships and Kelly, the 35 year old 2nd grade teacher, and Steve, a 40 year old entrepreneur, were going to try again.

    Shelly, the 37 year old opera singer, had been dating 25 year old Clint for a couple months and they were moving in together.

    MaryAm, the 29 year old art photographer, went on a date that lasted 6-7 hours.  They’ve been together ever since.

    Amy, the 28 year old real estate broker, was dating Jeremy.  She said they were mismatched and that actually works better.

    The most interesting thing of all was what each of these three women said.  Each shared some version of ‘I wasn’t looking for love and it found me.’  Both MaryAm and Amy had come to the realization that they’d be ok if they didn’t find someone.  Stay tuned for a post on this very phenomenon.

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